"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." -Proverbs 31:26-7
This blog goes out as a Mother's Day tribute to my Grandma who recently just passed away. It also goes out as a thank you to most especially my mom but also to the all the mothers who have treated me in a loving motherly fashion. There is no love like a mother's love. We men will never understand what a women has to go through when carrying a baby in her womb for 9 months and then having to give birth. The fact is that it is just an extraordinarily beautiful act of love. Their love doesn't end there, however, as they continue to bless our lives each and every day. Praise God for the blessings that are our mothers and for the gift of His Holy Mother Mary as an example!
My Grandma was an incredible lady. Her faith in God and the love she showed towards everybody, especially to her children and her grandchildren, was and still is indescribably inspiring. I pray that I never forget her shining example as to how to live a life for God. Leading up to her funeral, I was asked to put together a eulogy for her and speak in front of everybody during the funeral Mass service, along with my Dad. I went to pray and write it in the adoration chapel at Holy Rosary Church to hopefully get some Divine inspiration. I finished it and I felt pretty good about it but on the day of the funeral, I was stressing dearly about it. I worried I was not going to say the right things or deliver it improperly. Then some peace came. I was processing over to the church in a car following the hearse and I glanced out the car window and saw something that was necessarily refreshing. It was a tree stump in the shape of a heart. Later on during the drive I also just happened to see two fairly large rocks that fit together..IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART!! The last sign I saw was a random but again necessary cross on a telephone pole. The eulogy speech at the funeral worked out spectacularly and I thank God for that. This is what I was inspired to say.
Eulogy
for Grandma
“It's not how much you do, It's how much love you put
in the doing.” Remember that quote and I'll get to it later.
Recently, I went to a Healing Mass with my good friend
Ann MacGregor. That day my grandma was moved from the Wentworth
Douglass Hospital to the Hyder House Hospice in Dover. I stepped into
Church that day with a heavy and desperate heart; desperate for my
grandma. Grandma had been going through so much. Before they found
the right medication, everyday life for her was just excruciatingly
painful. There were nights where she would dreadfully cry out to God
to take the pain away. It just broke my heart. I went to Mass that
day to pray to God to please take away the suffering that is being
caused by the cancer in her body.
I sat through Mass and the time came for me to go up
and be prayed over by the priest. He walked over to me and right when
he put his hand on my head, I went down. I was “slain in The
Spirit.” It was the most powerful experience that I had ever had.(Read my last blog post if you want to know about the entire experience.) My friend Ann told me after that she talked to this
other lady that was 3 rows behind her while I was still lying on the
ground. They were the only two left in the church, besides me who was
still lying on the ground (I was lying on the ground for a long
time). Ann asked her referring to me, “What do I do!? He's been
lying there a long time. She said, “ I don't know.” So then Ann
started talking to her about me and my situation with Grandma. Ann
told her, “ Yeah, she was admitted into a Hospice today.” The
other lady explained, “ You know I actually work for a hospice.”
Then Ann said, Yeah I think she was admitted to a hospice in Dover.”
The lady replied. “ I am the director at the hospice in Dover!”
Ann said, “ I think her name is Linda Paradis?” because she did
not know her actual last name was Lord but that's beside the point. Now Director Donna, let's
call her that, her name is actually Donna, could not answer yes or no because
of the Hypa law but she gave her a look that assured Ann that she
knew who she was talking about. Then Director Donna said there was a
family that came into the hospice and saw a picture of Mother Teresa
in the lobby. They asked if that picture could be moved into the
patient's room. Ann said, “Yeah that sounds a lot like the Paradis
family.”
The next day I visited Grandma at the hospice for the
first time. I remembered from the night before what Ann had told me
and I started looking around the room and there it was...the Mother
Teresa picture...at the focal point of the room! A little smirk
appeared on my face and I immediately texted Ann!
I didn't notice this the first time I saw the picture
but later on I was looking at it very closely and saw that there was
a little piece of writing along the border underneath the actual
picture. It read, “It's not how much you do, It's how much love you
put in the doing.” I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament in
Holy Adoration last night, contemplating what I was going to talk
about today in my eulogy, and this quote popped into my head. I
thought about it a little more and realized that this describes
perfectly and exactly how Grandma acted in prayer to God and also in
service to others. It was not necessarily that she did a lot, and
trust me she did a lot, but it was about all the sacrificing deeds
she wore herself out over out of selfless love for others.
Just everyday, while she was living with us, she would
constantly be doing some little chore that nobody else really wanted
to do. She would do the dishes at least twice a day. She would do 2-3
loads of laundry. She would always be cleaning and tidying up the
place. She would make your bed for no reason. She always made sure
everyone was fed, especially the little ones. She would make me
breakfast every morning before school. Then, countless times she
cooked and served dinner. Now this was just an average day for her.
She kicked it into high-gear for special events like Baptisms, First
Holy Communions, Weddings, Holidays, graduations, etc. Now when I say
high-gear, I mean like crazy high gear. I remember one time she spent
almost 8 hours slaving over making a special spaghetti sauce for one
of my team dinners, instead of just getting a Prego bottle at the
store. She wanted everything to be perfect, not for her but for
everybody else. Even while on her hospital bed, She was still
concerned about everything else. The day she was admitted back into
the hospital four weeks after her surgery I went to visit her. I
held her hand and looked into her eyes. She started to tear up and
told me, “ Dominic, I really want to make it to your Graduation.”
I completely broke down after that. Even in those circumstances, she
was still concerned about making my Graduation special.
For Grandma, what defined her wasn't about how much
many she made, even though she always told us she was going to win
the lottery or Powerbucks one day, but even then she always told us
how she was going to use it to benefit us. It wasn't about how many
houses or cars she owned. It wasn't about how much time she invested
in a personal professional career or anything like that. Her life is
defined by all the times where she completely rejected herself for
the good and the convenience of others. She wanted the best for
everybody, and desperately worked and worked until it wasn't
physically possible anymore trying to achieve that for everyone. She
truly lived a life of sacrificial love, God's love. 1 Corinthians
Ch. 13 explains this love that Grandma had.
“Love
is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it
is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not
rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
I just want to end this with another story. The day my Grandma died, my dad gathered everyone up in the living room and morning and told us the news. Then, we went to church. The priest had a perfect homily for our family to hear. He gave us an analogy. He first gave us the example of parents dealing with their 2-3 year old son/daughter getting sick. He said you are not going to tell the kid, "Well, see what you got here is either a cold or the flu and we're going to give you some tylenol, antibiotics, etc. and you will probably be better in about 3 or 4 days." He said, "No, you are just going to hold that little boy/girl in your arms and tell them that everything is going to be okay. He continued to tell us that that is the way God holds us in His arms. We humans always want to know the big picture but really we just need to believe that with God, in His arms, everything is going to be okay. After church we went home and just started to play basketball outside. It was a beautiful day, blue skies and not a lot of cloud cover. A little time passed and then, almost like I was told to, looked up into the sky and saw something remarkable. It was a glorious, white fluffy cloud in the shape of a heart. I told my family members to look and they saw it too. I started to look around more and I saw two other heart shaped clouds in different places of the sky. I was totally in awe.
So thank you Grandma for blessing not only my life, but
the lives of the people in this Church today and everyone else who
had the pleasure of knowing you. You were a shining example of God's
selfless and tireless love for us. My prayers at the Healing Mass
were answered. You aren't going through any more pain and suffering
and I know you are looking down on all of us smiling, with God by
your side, and still sending us your love. You won't be there
physically at my Graduation, but there is not doubt in my mind that
you will be there in spirit. So Thanks again Grandma for everything.
Praise God for your wonderful life that touched the hearts of so
many. Love you and I will see you later.
I never could have expected this next part. At the end of the funeral Mass, My little brothers, sisters, and cousins were processing out of the church alongside the casket. We rolled it over and pushed Grandma back into the hearse. Immediately, the church bells started ringing and I looked up into to the small formation of clouds surrounded by almost an entirely blue sky. Again, just after telling the story about the heart clouds on the day my grandmother died in the eulogy, I saw clouds that had formed into a heart. My Aunt Laura asked behind me, "Are you looking into the sky right now?" "Yeah," I said with a smile. I pointed upwards and then it seemed that everyone who attended the service was looking up into the sky in the St. Mary's parking lot. It could not have been more perfect. God's glory was truly shown that day and I firmly believe Grandma was letting us know she was in a better place and that we need not to worry. Unbelievable.
It didn't stop there though. God, through Grandma, had more that He wanted to show my family. We traveled to Lee, Maine for the burial ceremony that was going to be held the next day at the local cemetery, where family members like her mom and dad were buried. Lee was where my Grandma grew up and spent most of her childhood. Now interestingly enough, the local cemetery did not hire any maintenance men. The cemetery is entirely cared for by volunteers and family members that want to keep the grave sites of their loved ones looking nice. My uncle and some others were the ones who dug the grave for my Grandma. The job took about 5 hours. I was amazed first hearing this the day of the burial ceremony because that job is no easy task. I have come to realize that I truly have so many genuine and caring relatives that I have just never interacted with until the events leading up to my Grandmother's passing. God bless them.
The burial ceremony went beautifully, besides a little tantrum put on by my little brother Sam, but it's okay; he's a good kid. After the ceremony, we went to my Uncle Rabbit's lake house nearby to spend time with each other while eating some food that was prepared. We also went kayaking and paddle-boating which was a lot of fun. Then after a while, a select few had to leave to shovel the dirt back into Grandma's grave. I was one of them. Shoveling the dirt back in to the grave was very surreal and strange to me. One part of me thought it was weird to be pouring dirt on top of my grandmother, while the other part of me thought that this was the best way to do it because it was her own family members shoveling and making the finishing touches to her grave. We eventually finished shoveling and started to pack in all of the mounds of dirt that still had grass protruding out of it. We fixed the grave site up as much as possible and then left to spend more time at the lake house.
Everyone at the lake house that day seemed to be in a good mood. It really seemed that everyone was trying to make the best of the situation and each individual enjoyed each other's company. Then, time came to say our goodbyes to everyone and to head back to my Pepe's house which was about an hour or so from Lee. However, we had to make one final stop. We went back to Grandma's grave site so that the rest of the family members could see the grave filled in. We were just standing there, staring at the grave, when something caught my eye. I went over to go get a closer look and this is what I saw.
Another example of God's love working through Grandma's life. Happy Mother's day everyone!
